


We don't know where to find what once was in our bones

by angi190



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Anxiety, Bleeding, F/M, Gunshot Wounds, Hospitalization, Josh is a mess, M/M, Near Death Experiences, Organ Transplantation, Panic Attacks, Poor bean, Sadness, Serious Injuries, This was requested, Tyler is shot during one of their shows, but I enjoyed writing it, but expect some pain, give me ideas and I'll give you angst, hell yeah, lung failure, probably very medically inaccurate, this probably won't be too long
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-10
Updated: 2017-04-15
Packaged: 2018-10-02 05:30:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10210613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angi190/pseuds/angi190
Summary: Just when you think that your life is perfect and nothing can go wrong, everything goes terribly wrong.a.k.a Tyler gets shot during their concert and everything goes downhill from there





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [twenty_one_pilots_fan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/twenty_one_pilots_fan/gifts).



> Don't look at me, I know that this is my fourth unfinished fic , but the lovely twenty_one_pilots_fan requested it and I couldn't help myself. 
> 
> This time it's hurt!Tyler which is something I haven't written so far but I can tell I'll be having fun * evil laugh*
> 
> The title is taken from "Hometown" by TOP

Josh smiles when he hears the roar of the crowd from behind the thick red curtain backstage. He and Tyler are about to take the stage and those last couple of minutes before they finally emerge are the most exciting ones. The fill the drummer with anticipation and a rush of adrenaline he can’t quite get from anything else. Tyler is standing right next to him, looking composed and focused , unlike Josh who can’t quite pull himself together and jumps from one foot to the other.

They get a signal to put on their masks and Josh pulls his own over his face with shaking fingers. They lock gazes for a second , sharing this very special moment before they’re being rushed beyond the curtain and onto the stage.

The beginning notes of Heavy dirty soul are playing and the crowd goes absolutely insane. Josh takes a moment to admire the view, to soak in the moment where the entre arena is full of people who use music the same way he and Tyler do.  It’s an unforgettable moment.  The next second Tyler takes the stage with a leap from his piano which officially starts their set.

The concert is amazing; the crowd is very involved and sings their lyrics back at them with a thundering sound.  Josh hits his drums so hard, he feels as though his arms might fall off any moment by the time they get to Car radio.  He puts his mask on while the lights are out and waits for Tyler to do the same. Before the singer does though, he grins at Josh and makes the drummer smile as well. Small moments like this one are precious to Josh, because it’s just between him and his best friend who he shares his dream with. When all of this is over, which will inevitably happen one day, Josh will keep these moments in his heart where all of the experiences with Tyler are held.

Car radio starts and the crowd loves it. It’s one of their favorite songs, despite it not being  released as a single. People love it. So does Josh, who sings the lyrics to himself while Tyler pours his heart out to the crowd.  

It’s the moment that Josh always dreads, when Tyler climbs up high above the crowd and barely supports himself with one arm. He’s standing on a platform, barely big enough for him to fit his feet, but he’s absolutely fearless. The lights are shining on him and Josh raises one hand, pointing at the singer with one of his drumsticks.  The crowd’s attention turns to him and every single pair of eyes are looking up at the platform where Tyler stands with his arms spread out like a bird ready to fly.

In that exact moment , when Tyler takes his mask off and closes his eyes a loud bang splits the air , resembling a cannon going off.  Josh has just taken his mask off too, expecting to see Tyler climbing down the ladder to make his way back to the stagе, but instead he hears a loud thump and people screaming.  

The first thing that registers in Josh’s mind Is that he can’t see Tyler anywhere; he’s not climbing down the ladder or making his way through the crowd back to the stage or anywhere else. This makes him stand up from his drums and anxiously look around, hoping to see a sign of what might’ve happened. He then remembers the sick sounding thump that followed Tyler’s descending which throws him into panic. Did his friend fall ?

There’s commotion underneath the platform where Tyler has been standing a minute ago. Not waiting another second Josh jumps right over his drum set and lunches down the isle that leads to the platform. He pushes through the guards, through the people who block his way with only one thought in his mind.  _Tyler, let Tyler be alright._

The first thing he sees when he nears the spot where people are gathering is blood.  That scene almost makes him pass out and he screams “ Let me through, let me through “ with a terribly shaking voice. People let him through and his vision blackens for a moment when he sees Tyler, sprawled out on the ground  , covered with blood and choking on it.

" No, no, no no , Tyler no " the words tumble out of his mouth while his heart pounds so fast it could literally jump out of his mouth. There's so much blood and Josh is absolutely terrified that Tyler will die right there at his feet.

It’s difficult to tell what exactly happens next, but he knows that his feet carry him straight to his friend’s convulsing body and he raises Tyler up from the ground almost without thinking. Tyler doesn't stop shaking and coughing blood, staining the drummer's shirt with crimson red. Josh is so terrified he doesn't hear the roar of the crowd or the voices of the security guards yelling around him.

By that time security is already aware of what has happened and they are evacuating people and calling 911.

Josh runs with Tyler lifeless in his hands as fast as he can towards the backstage, where he knows their field doctor is. People are screaming around him, some of them are crying and others simply stare at the scene, unable to find their voice to either scream or cry. It’s absolute mayhem.

Some of their security guys are trying to help Josh carry the singer, but he absolutely refuses to let go. So many things cross his mind it almost makes him dizzy. Tyler’s body isn’t convulsing anymore which terrifies him. Is he alive ? God, please let him be alive.

Stumbling backstage, the doctor waist for them with his first aid kit in his hands. The ambulance will come in a couple of minutes, but these few minutes before it arrives could be the difference between life and death for Tyler

“Put him over here “says the doctor and points to the nearby table. Josh does, as carefully as possible , but letting go is almost unbearable. He doesn’t want to leave Tyler, he doesn’t want to let him go.

" H-he's bleeding " Josh mumbles and looks at his own bloodied hands. They are painted with red from where Tyler bled all over him. Everything smells like metal and blood and it makes Josh want to wake up from this nightmare, because there is no way all of this is real.

 “Josh, I need to take care of his wounds, come on“ the doctor reassures the terrified drummer who lets go of Tyler’s bloody arms and takes a step back. God there’s so much blood.  It’s all over Tyler’s hands, chest and throat, tickling down to the table and painting it red in matter of seconds. Josh is still lost of what happened, how did he end up so badly injured ? Why did he fall ?

The room soon fills with people – production managers, crew members and their supporting band, everyone looking just as terrified as Josh feels. Someone hugs Josh and he desperately hugs back, not caring who’s the one giving him comfort. The doctor is already working on Tyler, having his shirt cut off and that’s when Josh can see the wounds. There are two holes in Tyler’s chest – one near his right armpit and another one , right in the center of his chest. The realization of what just happened downs on Josh who has to hold on to whoever’s hugging him in order to stand on his feet as his knees go weak from terror.  The weird sound of cannon going off, the bleeding holes in Tyler’s chest, they all click together. Tyler has been shot in the middle of their concert.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More of that good old angst for you guys.
> 
> Thanks to everyone who commented on the first chapter. I'm glad you enjoyed it, because more is coming :)

The ambulance isn’t there yet when Tyler stops breathing. The doctor urgently starts CPR which throws Josh into a wild fit of panic. He asks over and over “ What’s going on, what’s happening??” but gets no answer. Tyler is now bleeding from his nose and mouth, adding to the already slippery mess he’s lying in. The wounds are bandaged and somebody drags Josh to the table where the singer is placed and presses his hands over the wound in the center of his chest.

“ Press as hard as you can okay , Josh ? Just press as hard as you can “

Josh presses. He can see the blood staining the bandage underneath his fingers and wonders how much blood can a person lose before they die ? Right above his hands the doctor keeps pumping Tyler’s chest in an attempt to revive him and Josh closes his eyes, squeezing them together and desperately wishing all of this was just a dream.

But it isn’t.  Tyler is dying in his arms, or maybe he’s dead already and it’s all real, so real. Josh feels the hotness of tears on his face, running down like rivers and dropping on Tyler’s body underneath him.

“ Please, Ty, please don’t die on me “ Josh whispers and presses on the wound as hard as he can “ Please don’t die “

When the paramedics finally arrive the doctor is drenched in sweat from CPR and adrenaline and so is Josh.  He keeps pressing on the wound , ignoring everyone’s requests for him to let go.  He can’t let go. He needs to make sure that the wound is pressed on, this is what the doctor told him to do and he doesn’t want to stop doing it until he’s sure that his friend has made it.

Voices around him are saying something; hands try to drag him away, people try to pull him aside, but he keeps holding onto his best friend. If he lets go he will lose Tyler , he will lose him forever and God he can’t let that happen.

Probably deciding there’s no point in trying to separate him from the singer he’s being moved along with Tyler who is carried to the ambulance.  Josh climbs in and keeps both hands on Tyler’s chest, pressing the soaking wet from blood bandage with numb fingers.

“ You can let go now, it’s okay “ the paramedic says “ We need to treat the wound now. You’ve done great job “ the praise calms his nerves a little, so Josh hesitantly lets go and notices how much his hands are shaking.

Mark is on the front seat with the driver and Josh is grateful, because the paramedics are asking them questions, but he’s too stunned to talk.  He’ll probably burst out crying anyway so he keeps quiet and holds Tyler’s hand instead.  They drive so fast it tells Josh that the situation is pretty bad.  The new bandages are soaked with blood within minutes and Tyler doesn’t move or make a sound the entire ride to the hospital. He’s also pale, so pale it makes Josh wonder if there’s any more blood left in his friend’s body.

At the hospital , the entrance is overtaken by people, mostly press and fans. The news must’ve spread pretty fast. It doesn’t happen very often for someone to get shot while performing .  There are police cars as well, with their lights turned on and policemen are trying to make sure that the ambulance can make it safely to the hospital’s entry.  When the back door opens, Josh squeezes Tyler’s hand tighter, afraid that they will make him let go.

Nobody presses him to move away so he doesn’t. He keeps holding Tyler’s hand , keeps looking for any sign of life from his friend that doesn’t come. He’s lifeless, colorless, breathless. Josh thinks he might be dead which drives him into a panic attack as soon as Tyler is taken to the ER where nobody but doctors and nurses is allowed.

His throat is closing in on itself and all of a sudden he can’t breathe, he can’t speak and can’t stand. He must’ve fallen down , because Mark’s voice comes from above, telling him everything will be okay, Tyler will be fine, they just need to have hope.

“ No “ Josh says as a new wave of pain washes over him “ No, Mark this can’t be happening “ he clutches as his hair, overtaken by wild fear of losing the person he loves most. What will he do if Tyler dies ? How will he survive in a world without Tyler ? He won’t , he absolutely won’t.  There’s no way he could wake up tomorrow morning and live an entire day with the thought that his best friend isn’t here anymore.  No way, there’s no way he’ll survive.

The sobs that follow come from deep inside of his chest. He can’t breathe and can’t speak and the only comfort he has at the moment are Mark’s arms wrapped around his shoulders. At least Mark understands what he’s going through. He and Tyler have been friends for so long; they’ve become something like brothers. Mark knows his pain. Marks cries with him and hugs him, still on the ground where Josh has crumbled down right in front of the ER.

After a while someone brings him water and coaxes him to drink it. He needs to be strong for Tyler, people tell him. He needs to be there when the doctors comes to tell them whether he made it or not. Josh can’t be strong, but he nods and does his best to will his legs to move. With Mark’s help he manages to get up from the ground and sit on one of the chairs in the waiting room.

Now all they can do is wait. Left alone with the torturous thoughts of losing Tyler, it’s absolute nightmare.  Is he dying right now ? Is he still alive ? Did he lose too much blood? God, there was so much blood. Josh looks down at his hands and finds them dirty and caked with blood all over. The same goes for his shirt , from when he carried Tyler to the backstage and the singer bled all over him.

Suddenly he feels like he’ll go crazy if he doesn’t wash the blood away so he gets up on shaky legs and stumbles down towards the bathroom. Mark calls after him, but he doesn’t look back. He wants to be alone.

It takes him at least 20 minutes to wash the blood from his hands, face and neck , but it feels like it’s _embedded_ into his skin where he can’t wash it. When he looks at himself in the mirror he looks terrible; his eyes are red and puffy from crying, his hair Is a mess  , because _where the hell is his beanie ?_ His shirt is still stained with red no matter how much he rubbed it with soap and water. It’s Tyler’s blood all over his shirt. _Tyler’s blood_.

All of a sudden he’s overtaken by fear and grief all over again , so he  walks out of the bathroom and blindly stumbles to the ER room where they’ve taken Tyler to. A nurse walks out and asks if he’s Tyler Joseph’s family.

“ Yes , yes “ Josh stumbles over his words “ How is he doing ? Is he okay ? “ the nurse doesn’t answer his question, avoiding his eyes.

“ I’m sorry, I still can’t give you any information. But we do need as much blood as we can get. So if you’re willing to donate, you can do it in our hematology unit. Just tell them you’re donating for mr. Joseph “ if they need blood that means that Tyler Is still alive right ? Josh nods and thanks the nurse 3 times before leaving to tell Mark and the others in the waiting room to go donate blood for Tyler.

Everyone goes, no exception. They all donate as much blood as they can give and go back to the waiting room to wait for news.

Nothing happens for the next hour and a half and when the doctor finally emerges from the emergency room everyone jumps at their feet.

“ Are you mr. Joseph’s family ? “ his family is still traveling, so the people gathered there are the closest to family he’s got.

“ Yes “ Mark says and everyone else nods as well.

“ Okay.  The good news is that we’ve managed to stabilize him and master the massive blood loss that was the main threat to his life. One of the bullets, the one  near his armpit missed an artery by an inch. If it did rupture it , Tyler would’ve been dead within a couple of minutes.  It’s pure luck that the bullet missed it “ the doctor says and Josh holds his breath, because this has been the good news.

“ It went through and through, which means that it entered his body through his upper chest and escaped through his back. It didn’t damage the lung, which is another thing to be happy about, but it will take longer to heal. Now, the other bullet pierced his lungs and is currently stuck between the vertebra’s on his spine. That’s the bad news.  Both of Tyler’s lungs have collapsed , so he’s put on ventilation. He needs surgery in order to remove the bullet from his back, but it’s tricky and holds many risks, including paralysis. “

Josh’s jaw drops. The bullet is stuck in Tyler’s back and his lungs aren’t working.  He feels totally and utterly unprepared for this kind of situation. How is he supposed to be strong for Tyler when he’s on the verge of a nervous breakdown ?

“ S-so is he out of danger now ? Is he going to make it ? “ Josh needs to hear the doctor say it, he needs it like _air._

“ Well he survived the first critical hours which is good. But the surgery he’s about to have is complicated and dangerous one. I can’t promise you anything, but our full dedication in helping Tyler recover “

It’s not enough to help Josh breathe freely, but it’s something.  Al least he knows that Tyler is fighting and there’s still chance for him to get over this.

“ Oh and one more thing .  I need you to know that his lungs are very badly injured.  I don’t want to sound pessimistic, but the chances of them working properly again are very poor. You might want to start looking for donors, just in case. That’s my advice “

Josh stands there , rooted to the ground even after the doctor leaves and closes the door after him. He doesn’t know what to do or where to go. They are very far away from home, in a different state , in an unfamiliar place.  He desperately wishes he was home, where he could go to his parents’ house and at least feel safe somehow. Here though, he feels like he’s lost and can’t find his way back. 

Josh suddenly wishes he had one of his masks with him. How easy would it be to put it on and hide from the world, from the fear and the pain he’s stuck In ?   _I’m forced to deal with what I feel, there is no distraction to mask what is real_  Josh hears Tyler’s voice in his head and it’s scary how much those lyrics apply to his current situation.

He holds onto Tyler’s voice like a lifeline, until it fades into the night and leaves Josh all alone and terrified again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man I'm just terrible aren't I ? 
> 
> Yep I am.
> 
> Feel free to come yell at me in the comments.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk I made myself sad with this chapter

It turns out that the police cars outside of the hospital aren’t there just for their safety.  A couple of hours into Tyler’s surgery , two police officers come up to the waiting room and politely ask Josh and Mark, as well as other crew members to come with them.  They are witnesses of the accident, which isn’t an accident at all. Someone tried to kill Tyler.

It’s the first time Josh actually sees it from that perspective and the sole fact that someone could do that makes him so sick he has to stumble down to the bathroom from the need to throw up.  He retches in one of the stalls for a good 10 minutes and feels even worse when he’s done.  The police officers are still waiting when he goes back to the waiting room and it’s clear that they have no choice but to go.

Josh begs one of the nurses to call him if something changes and messily scrambles down his phone number for her.  He doesn’t want to leave the hospital , doesn’t want to leave Tyler who’s still fighting for his life, but he has no choice.

The next 5 hours or so are the worst in his life. Josh feels trapped inside the small room where the officers take their statements and he’s so anxious he keeps stumbling over his words.  They ask him things he can’t possibly remember or details he can’t make out clearly in the mess inside of his brain. Where was he when the shot was fired ? What did he see ?How did Tyler fall ? How many people surrounded Tyler’s platform ? Did he see someone running away from the scene ? All questions were absolutely impossible to answer.

All he remembers is a sea of faces, the roar of the crowd, then Tyler spreading his hands like they’re  wings and then . .. the gunshot that sent his best friend flying to the ground. Like a wounded bird.

The memories make him sick again and he can swear he’s going to throw up if they keep making him talk about it.  Or burst out crying.  He really does try to remember something that would be helpful for the police to find the person who shot Tyler, but no matter how hard he tries , nothing useful comes up. There’s just blood, people’s terrified screams and the sounds that Tyler was making, while lying in a puddle of his own blood on the ground. He was _choking on his own blood_ .

“ I’m sorry “ Josh chokes out when the tears start flowing again, after 4 hours of reliving the worst day of his life . He wipes his face and rubs his eyes, taking deep breaths in order to calm himself down. Everyone looks at him with sympathy and understanding, but he feels embarrassed. God he hates crying in front of people, but right now he’s helpless against the pain that grips his heart.

„ It’s okay. You’re free to go “ one of the officers says and leads Josh out . Mark is already done and waiting anxiously for Josh.

They take a cab back to the hospital where Tyler’s parents greet them.  Kelly gives Josh a massive hug and he feels her shaking all over.  They separate when a grim looking doctor comes to them and asks if they are Tyler Joseph’s family.

“ I’m sorry, but the news are not good. “ Kelly almost collapses in Josh arms who does his best to be the strong one and support Tyler’s mom with both arms. “ Tyler’s body is in shock from the blood loss that was very heavy.  Most of his vital organs are not working and we don’t know if they will go back to their normal function. His heart is failing too “ everyone is fighting tears and Josh feels every single fiber of his being shatter inside. He’s been trying to stay positive and make himself believe that Tyler will fight and make it , but right now he doesn’t even know what to think anymore.

“ In cases like this one , I usually advice Christian families to call a priest.  We don’t know if he’s going to make it, so if you want to have a prayer read to him before he dies you can do it now. “

Josh puts both hands over his mouth and tries to trap inside the wail that works up his throat and burns on its way up. What he can’t do is unhear Kelly’s own scream, because it’s so loud and heartbreaking it makes him wish he could disappear into the air and never come back. It’s definitely the kind of sound he will never be able to forget.

Chris is hugging his wife and trying to console her, but honestly what is there to say to a mother who was told that her son will probably not make it that would make her feel better ? 

Josh grits his teeth and watches as Madison, Tyler’s sister joins the hug and tells her parents that Tyler is a fighter and he won’t go down without a fight. Bless her for those words, because she knows Tyler just as much as Josh and those words are very close to the truth. His best friend always had to fight for everything in his life and never backed down, never kneeled before any obstacle.

“ There’s still hope right ? “ Mark pats Josh on the shoulder and looks like he’s also trying not to cry “ They didn’t say it was hopeless case “

“ They asked us to call a priest , Mark. I think that pretty much equals hopeless “ Josh says and reality hits him so hard he needs to sit down. He takes a seat at a plastic chair near by while the reality of the situation sinks in. Tyler might not be alive tomorrow. Josh might wake up in a world where his best friend doesn’t exist and will never exist ever again, except in the songs he wrote. It’s so painful to think about Josh can almost feel the physical hurt everywhere in his body.

The doctor tells them they can visit Tyler and have as much time as they need and of course his family goes first, while Josh stays at the waiting room. He doesn’t want to intrude ,but he’s also terrified of what he’s going to see in that room so he stays where he is.

Not knowing what else to do to help Tyler , Josh opens twitter and writes a status with shaking fingers.  He asks the clique, their friends and fellow artists to pray for Tyler who’s currently losing his battle for life.  It’s not long, but it comes straight from his heart so it comes out raw and honest.

He then closes Twitter, puts his head in both hands and prays. He prays until Kelly comes up to him and quietly asks him to come, because the priest is there and everyone who’s family is supposed to be with Tyler.  Josh wants to say no and leave , he wants to tell her he’s too scared , too tired, too terrified to face it right now, but if he doesn’t spend these precious hours with his best friend he will probably regret if for the rest of his life.

So he gets up on weak and shaky legs and follows Tyler’s mom up to his room. What he sees hits him like a ton of bricks. It’s almost like Tyler is being prepared for his funeral. His face is terribly pale and thin , with dark circles surrounding his closed eyes. His hands are folded on his stomach, like he’s seen people being put in coffins in the same position.

The priest greets him and asks him to sit down. Everyone in the room is crying and it literally feels like they are already burying Tyler.  Josh comes close and it hits him how thin his best friends look. It’s only been what ? 12 hours since they performed together on stage ?  24 ? To Josh it seems like it happened in a past life, a 1000 years ago.

The whole thing is as painful as it can be. Tyler lays there motionless and colorless while the priest reads his prayers that’s supposed to help his best friend die peacefully.  Josh wants to die too, but that thought sounds too selfish so he puts it aside. He needs to be here, because that’s what Tyler would want. He’d want his friend to look out for his family in this difficult time, so that’s what he does.

When everyone leaves and Josh is alone with Tyler he finally lets his tears and sobs out, crying on his friend’s chest like a little kid. Nobody bothers him for hours, until the night comes and he finally has to leave. It feels like he sees Tyler alive for the last time and leaving now would mean letting him go.

He kisses Tyler’s forehead and temples, closing his eyes and letting himself indulge in that closeness. Josh can swear he heard the monitors start beeping a little bit faster when he lets go and he holds on to that hope when he leaves the room.  Maybe Tyler felt his touch or heard his words. Maybe he’s still not too far gone. Maybe there's still hope. 

Josh hopes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why do I love writing sad stuff ? Nobody knows and neither do I.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm here to make yall sad as hell so enjoy

Josh feels absolutely lost.  He realizes that once out of Tyler’s room he doesn’t know where to go.  He doesn’t even have anywhere to go at the moment. Their tour bus is still parked at the venue and all of Josh’s stuff is still there. He hasn’t eaten, slept , showered or even drank water the last couple of days, because he was too busy worrying about Tyler dying and didn’t matter much to him.

He’s sitting in the hospital’s entry and staring into nothing, trying not to focus on the image that engraved itself into his memory… Tyler pale and unmoving, supported by machines and all sorts of tubes with minimal chances of survival.  If he thinks about it too much he will definitely lose the last bits of his mind, so he tries not to think about anything.

Mark finds him at some point and sits next to him. They sit like that for a while, in silence because nobody feels like talking.

“ Have you eaten anything ? “ Mark breaks the silence and Josh shakes his head

“ I’ll probably just get sick anyway “ he mumbles and runs a sweaty hand over his face. He needs his beanie, because his purple hair is a mess and keeps falling into his eyes.

“ Can I go get some stuff from our buss ? “ Josh doesn’t know why he feels like he needs to ask, but he can’t make decisions on his own right now.

“ Sure. It’s parked outside  the venue, but I can get the driver to bring it here “

“No, not here. I don’t want to draw attention. I’ll just go there myself “  Josh says and bites his lip “ You don’t think that … that Tyler will d-die while I’m away , right ?  “  that thought makes his throat close in on itself again. The tears burn his eyes and he wipes them away before they manage to escape.

“ No, I don’t think he’ll die , Josh. “ Mark says and puts one arm around the drummer’s shoulders “  I don’t believe that “

“ But what if he does ? “  he feels like a little kid who was just told that  Santa isn’t real and he will never have Christmas ever again.

“ Hey, when did he let you down huh ? “ Mark asks and the answer is too obvious. Never. Tyler never him down.

“ Never “ he whispers and lets Mark hug him for a little.

“ You go get the stuff you need and don’t worry okay ? Take your time, me and the guys will be here. Everything’s gonna be okay “

He’s terrified that something could happen to Tyler while he’s away but he needs to get some warmer clothes because he’s freezing and find a snapback or a beanie to put on his terribly unruly hair. That’s all just disguise though , for the real reason behind his desire to go. He needs to take something that belongs to Tyler and just …. hold it.

Josh calls a cab and walks outside only to be met with a big group of upset and terrified fans. He’s still pretty upset himself and he really doesn’t want to talk to anyone just yet, but they all look like they’ve been crying for the past day or so, just like him.  His heart hurts. All of these people are standing outside , putting their own needs behind to be there for Tyler.

He’s really tempted to just slip by them and get into the taxi that waits for him outside, but it doesn’t seem fair. It’s not what Tyler would want him to do.

So he walks towards the group of kids and young adults that lights up when they see him approaching and tries to stay composed. People don’t scream or yell or try to grab him. They all look at him with scared and wet eyes, searching for some kind of answer.  Josh chokes on the words he was about to say and puts his hands on his face to hide the pain written all over it. He doesn’t know how to tell their fans that Tyler might not make it, that he could be taking his last breath as they are standing outside right now. They words just don’t come out.

A pair of hands embrace him, followed by another and another, until he’s enveloped in a giant hug. Someone tells him it’s going to be okay, somebody else whispers that they’ve been praying non stop for Tyler who is strong and will make it. Josh feels overwhelmed with emotions and even though he wants to thank them  for the support , he can’t. All he can do is hug everyone back and hope that God has heard their prayers.

Everyone let him go at some point and Josh manages to mumble “Thank you all so much” before leaving when everyone gets to say goodbye. His head is spinning the entire ride to the venue and his throat is squeezed so tightly he can’t even thank the taxi driver before he gets out.

Josh tries not to look at the venue , because nauseating memories fill his mind of the last time he was here. He rushes towards the bus that’s parked outside and punches in the code that unlocks the door. Once inside, he rushes straight towards the bunks and kneels in front of Tyler’s. His stuff are still scattered all over the blanket , thrown there carelessly before the concert. His iPod, headphones and a pair of sunglasses lay at the pillow , right where Tyler left them. There are clothes all over the bed and Josh instinctively grabs one of Tyler’s hoodies and presses it to his face.  It smells like him.

Closing his eyes, Josh lies down on the bunk and hugs the hoodie close to his body, calmed down by the familiar feeling. It’s almost as if he’s hugging Tyler again which calms him down a little and gives him a sense of comfort and safety that might be false, but God knows Josh needs it right now.

He must’ve fallen asleep at some point, because when his phone rings it takes him a couple of seconds to come back to himself. He instantly panics when he sees Mark’s name written on the screen of his phone and almost drops it to the ground.

“ Mark ? “ he asks with small and scared voice , too terrified to ask the question that’s been on his mind since he left the hospital.

“ Josh , you need to get here. Tyler is waking up. “ it’s not what Josh has been expecting and his brain can’t quite decide what to do first – cry, laugh or scream. So he does all of those things at once.

“ Hey, hey calm down “ Marks says on the other side of the line “ He’s still not awake yet, but he’s coming out of it, so you should be here when he finally wakes “

Josh jumps from the bunk and pulls the yellow hoodie over his head almost without thinking. Instead of calling for cab, he bolts out of the bus and runs down the street, not able to wait a single minute longer. He needs to be there when his best friend wakes up. He needs to hold his hand and tell him everything is going to be okay. He needs to be there so badly he keeps running, fueled by adrenalin and fear. He’s scared of how bad Tyler’s injuries are and how much damaged they have done to his body. He just wants to see Tyler and make sure he’s still alive, that he didn’t die while Josh was away.

Josh keeps running ,, even when he reaches the hospital’s yard, even when he enters through the main entrance, even then, he doesn’t stop running.  He bolts down corridors and runs up flights of stairs until he’s face to face with the room where Tyler is placed. He stops running when both of his hands are resting against the door, when he pushes It open and barges in completely out of breath and drowning in sweat.

Tyler looks a lot less pale then before , but the tube inside his mouth is still there and looks pretty scary. Tyler’s mom is holding his hand while both of his brothers, father and Mark stand by his bed and wait for Tyler to wake up.

When he nears the bed he can see Tyler’s eyes moving underneath the closed eyelids , his breathing getting labored and fast as well as his pulse. The nurse who monitors his conditions says that the drugs he was on are quite heavy and it will take quite some time for Tyler to fight them off.

It takes him two hours to finally open his eyes and when it happens Josh jumps from where he was sitting on the singer’s bed and stands directly in front of him.

“ Ty ? Tyler, it’s me, I’m here “ Josh says and pats Tyler’s cold hand with his shaking ones.  “ I’m here, it’s okay  “  he tries to sooth his friend who looks scared and confused. He probably has no idea what happened or where he is which must be absolutely terrifying.

The more Tyler comes to it, the more determined he gets to set himself free from all the tubes and wires. He tries to speak, but the tube in his mouth doesn’t let him so he makes and attempt to push it out which throws the nurse into panic.

“ No, Tyler you need this tube to breathe okay ? We can’t take it out just yet. “ she tries to convince Tyler who looks at Josh with such helplessness it breaks the drummer’s heart.

“ Please Ty, calm down okay ? Nobody here wants to hurt you. I’m right here, nobody will hurt you while I’m here, I promise “ Josh wipes the sweat off Tyler’s forehead and gently pats his hair in attempt to sooth him. “ Are you in pain ? Does something hurt ? “  Tyler nods and looks around, seemingly confused by his surroundings.

“ You’re at the hospital, Ty. “ Mark says and Tyler’s eyes turn towards him  “You got shot during your last performance.  “ Tyler blinks. He lifts his hand, the one that’s not stuffed with needles and touches his chest. “ Yeah, right there. Does it hurt ? “  Tyler nods slowly and keeps running his hand over his chest. There are bandages that cover his gunshot wounds, but whatever Tyler is feeling it’s probably on the inside. Josh can’t imagine what it’s like to wake up with two holes in your chest.

“ I thought  I was going to lose you “Josh says with shaking voice and his eyes fill with tears at the memories of the past few days . “ I was so scared “ he knows that he shouldn’t burden his friend at the moment, but he can’t keep it all inside. Tyler’s eyes fill with tears too and he barely raises his hand to grab Josh’s , probably to reassure him that everything’s alright.

 The doctor arrives soon to examine Tyler and tells him he’s doing a great job recovering so far.

“ You’ve lost a lot of blood and if it wasn’t for your friend’s immediate help , you would’ve probably bled to death  by the time the ambulance arrived“  the doctor smiles at Josh who squeezes Tyler’s hand tighter.  “  Besides the immense blood loss that threatened your life you also have serious lung trauma. One of the bullets pierced your lungs which caused acute respiratory failure. This is why you are put on ventilation, to help you breathe better.  You will need it until your lungs recover enough to function on their own.  “  Tyler nods tiredly and looks at Josh, his eyes reading “ I hate this thing already “ . The drummer smiles sadly and pats Tyler’s shoulder.

“ You’ll get rid of it in no time, Ty. Just rest for now, okay? “

When the doctor is done he walks outside and asks to see Josh for a minute, who tries not to look as terrified as he feels for Tyler’s sake.

Josh goes, knowing that the doctor didn’t tell Tyler everything, in fear it will overwhelm him.  And he’s right.

“ I need you to know, Mr. Dun, that Tyler’s condition is very serious and requires an immediate action from your side. Acute respiratory failure means that both of his lungs are not working. If the therapy and medications don’t help he will need lung transplant. “  Josh has heard of people dying while waiting for their turn on the  National Organ Procurement and Transplantation Network’s waiting list. There are way too many people who need organs and not enough donors.  The thought of seeing Tyler slowly fade while they wait for someone else to die and donate their lungs to him makes Josh physically hurt. Nobody deserves this kind of faith, especially not someone as beautiful and kind as Tyler.

He goes back to his friend and tries to be as cheerful as possible, despite the unbearable weight that the conversation has left on his shoulders. Thankfully Tyler is still too hazy from the heavy drugs to see the fear in his eyes and for that Josh is thankful. He’s not ready to have this conversation with Tyler. And maybe the treatment will help. Maybe his lungs will recover and transplant won’t be needed. Josh needs to believe that in order to keep from falling apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Tyler survived YEY, but what's coming next isn't very good for him. 
> 
> Opinions and feedback are honestly priceless. Thank you to everyone who left comments , you guys are the loveliest human beings on Earth.
> 
> Also shoutout to twenty_one_pilots_fan for the awesome idea. If you have any requests, please let me know.
> 
> My Tumblr is [i-m-a-goner-takeitslow](http://i-m-a-goner-takeitslow.tumblr.com/)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "... And sometimes,
> 
> against all odds, against all logic,
> 
> we still hope... "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I say this fic is going to hurt ? I probably did , but I'm saying it anyway. THIS FIC IS GOING TO HURT.
> 
> You can listen to [this ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pxEgGTJCl3I) beautiful music as a soundtrack

Josh doesn’t leave Tyler’s side through the next few weeks as the singer recovers from surgeries, blood loss and lung failure.  He has blood infusions a couple of times a week to help him recover from the immense blood loss that lead to very acute anemia.  The bullet that pieced his lungs and got stuck in his spinal cord was left there, a decision the doctors had to make, in order to prevent further damage. If they took it out, it might result with Tyler being paralyzed, so they decided it was better to leave it there. 

Tyler stays in ICU for two weeks and a half and during those weeks the doctors try to remove him from ventilation. Each attempt ends with the singer choking and suffocating.  He can’t breathe on his own, no matter how much he tries. His lungs simply don’t want to work.

He’s moved to a private room for recovery with only 20% of his lungs working.  The big tube that went through his mouth is switched with a smaller one that goes through his nose and into his lungs. During the nights it’s replaces by an oxygen mask, because it’s more comfortable. His lungs depend on that oxygen to work and if removed he suffocates.

Josh does his best to keep Tyler’s mind off the terrifying diagnosis of being with not-functioning lungs, but the truth is that he’s absolutely scared out of his mind himself.  He does as much research as he can about lung transplant and how to help someone who needs one, but there isn’t much he can do. Tyler is on the waiting list for a donor, but it could take a year or even a couple until he gets his lungs.

One of the things he stumbles upon while doing his research is the possibility of donating a part of a lung by someone who’s healthy.  Like Josh. If Tyler agreed to it, Josh could be his donor and give him a part of his own healthy lungs. But something tells him that his friend won’t agree to that.  Not if he knew the risks for the donor.

Josh could lose about 20 to 40 percent of his own lung function if he decided to be a live donor and that is enough of a reason for Tyler to say no.  He still holds on to that option, in case things got really bad and they didn’t have any other choices.

The days drag slowly. They blur together , day after day of waiting for something to happen , for Tyler to get better , for something to change , but nothing happens.  Tyler still can’t breathe without the cannula in his nose and pain in his chest. His ribs are broken by the bullet that went through his chest so everything hurts, from breathing to coughing and sneezing. He’s on painkillers, but he’s still not completely comfortable, especially during the nights when the pain hits him the hardest.

Josh tires to stay positive and give his friend as much emotional support as he can, but the truth is , he’s falling apart inside.  He’s restless, unable to stop thinking about how unfair the whole thing is. How did Tyler deserve all of this ? Where did he go wrong to have all of this coming his way ? Josh doesn’t understand and every time he does try to understand he’s left even more angry and sad than before.

Helplessness is the worst. Josh holds Tyler’s hand while the brunette coughs and coughs and coughs, unable to take a breath even though he’s given additional oxygen. The coughing hurts , but he can’t stop because he can’t take enough breath. So he coughs until tears run down his face and the coughs turn to sobs.

Josh watches and feels pain in every single cell of his body, because he can’t do anything, he can’t help Tyler. All he can do is be there for him, holding his hand and telling him it’s going to be okay, this will pass.

It does pass after a while and they lay in Tyler’s bed, one headphone in each ear and cuddle, listening to music.

“ I miss singing “ Tyler says as they lay face to face on his bed, listening to the rain tap sadly on the window, almost as if it’s begging to be allowed inside.

“ I miss hearing you sing too “ Josh answers and opens his eyes to see Tyler staring at him with his deep brown ones. “ I miss performing “

“ I miss seeing you beat the shit out of your drums “ Tyler adds and swallows thickly “ I miss hearing the crowd singing our lyrics back at us. I miss holding their hands and hearing them sing their hearts out “ Tyler says with a lot of bitterness in his voice and tears in his downcast eyes. Josh feels the rush of tears in his own eyes, because he misses those things just as much and it hurts, God it hurts.

“ Yeah, me too “ he says and grabs Tyler’s hand in his “ You’re not giving up are you ?. “ the question is left unanswered , because Tyler quietly cries into his pillow which is an answer enough. “ I’m not giving up, okay? I’m never giving up “ Josh says and lets Tyler crawl close to him and cry in his chest instead of the pillow.

They have many nights like this one, talking crying, reminiscing , dreaming, hoping. Josh never stops saying that one day they will take the stage again, just like they did when Tyler was healthy. He’ll get a new lung and will be able to sing again. He’ll recover and leave the oxygen tank behind . He’ll be okay. 

Josh says that every day, stubbornly hoping that it will come true. Miracles happen every day right ? Josh has to believe that, he has to have hope.

Tyler is discharged from the hospital after a month of painful and difficult recovery. He takes the oxygen tank with him , along with instructions how to use it and to never leave his house without it. Not that Tyler could anyway. He loses his breath just from speaking and walking requires frequent stops and rest.

Josh starts going to church every Sunday. He kneels by his bed every night before he goes to sleep, hands clasped tightly together and a prayer on his lips. God can’t leave Tyler , not when he needs His help so badly. Josh prays for Tyler to get better and begs God to give him strength to carry on fighting. _Just this time, please, God, just help me this one time and I will never ask anything from you. Will do anything you want, anything you require me to do, just please, please heal Tyler. Please heal him._

There is not a single night that Josh falls asleep without a prayer, but it seems like none of them are heard. Tyler doesn’t get better and if anything, he gets worse as days go by. The lack of oxygen damages his kidneys and it soon brings him back to the hospital and puts him in bed for weeks.

Josh keeps going to church every Sunday. He kneels in front of the isle, hands clasped together tightly , heart squeezed even tighter by the pain of seeing his best friend slowly falling apart.  He prays. He prays for God to give him the strength to be there for Tyler and help him through this.

When he goes back to the hospital the doctor greets him with s grim expression.

“ He’s running out of time “ the man says and makes Josh shake his head and rub his eyes furiously.

“ How time much do you think he has left ? “ Josh asks with shaking voice and rubs the tears away from his face

“ It’s difficult to tell. A couple of months, maybe a year if his body can survive it. “ Josh can’t stop himself from crying even if he was the strongest person on Earth. “ I’m sorry “ the doctors says and squeezes Josh’s shoulder.

“ W-what can we do ?  Please, tell me there’s something we can do “ Josh blurts out through the pain that grips his entire body.

“ Pray that he gets new lungs before it’s too late. “  Pray. How much more ? How much praying will it take for God to hear him ?  He has been praying for months on end and still nothing happens.

This time when Josh goes to Tyler’s room and lies down next to him it’s the singer who tells him everything is going to be okay. It’s usually the other way around, but it’s almost as if his friend can feel his devastation and sadness.

They hug quietly and in that silence Josh finds the strength to keep on fighting. He manages to find hope in Tyler’s ragged breathing and his warm embrace. Against all odds. Against all logic. Josh hopes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess if you needed another reason to hate me - here it is. Feel free to leave comments, even if they say " I hate you" and "You're a terrible person" cause yeah we all know I am. 
> 
> I also take prompts. 
> 
> Stay safe frens |-/

**Author's Note:**

> Okay guys, it's very important to me to know what you think , so please, if you have a spare minute - leave me some kind of feedback. I've got a lot of this fic written, so I'll probably post the next chapter pretty soon. I hope that twenty_one_pilots_fan liked it, cause it's the first time I've filled someone's request and it makes me super anxious :\\\\\ I hope you enjoy it


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